Hi my fellow book whores. :) I know this is a horrible way to start a blog.. I've already missed days to post.. I've been going through a lot of personal issues that have made me not want to do anything. It's seriously bad. It's taken me two weeks to read a book that would normally take me hours to read. I'm kind of at my wits end. Having pain, non stop, 24/7, is a huge pain in the ass. It's either that or drug myself so either way I'm useless to everyone. I really hate feeling like this ya know. Some days I feel great.
After acupuncture I feel like I can take on the world then when that stops I'm back to sitting on my chair with the heating pad on my back. I feel like a 100 year old grandma. Sitting around watching things go by and not being able to do anything. What's worse is I can't do the things I want to with my kids. Their lives don't stop because moms in pain. So for games I have to just grin and bare it.. Sitting on those bleachers isn't fun but watching them is worth it. That's the worst. I can't be a good mom or wife right now. I don't want to do laundry or cook dinner but it still needs to be done right? I wish I could clone myself or  switch back to my 20 year old me where I had no pain or worries. I'd be able to do everything no problems..
Is this what it's like to get older because so far I don't like it. I'm noticing a few more grey hairs that I can't always hide and a few extra wrinkles that are showing up.. I still have lots more time here on his planet and I'd like to enjoy it not feel ugly and worthless.
I don't always like what I see in the mirror. This older version of me isn't so enjoyable. All he years of people being rude to me and taking advantage of my kindness has made me more bitter and hesitant to believe. If this is growing older please, where do I sign up to be young again.
Anyway, this originally stArted out as just an I'm sorry for being a flake to a flat out rambling on of my own insecurities. We all have hem, I'm guessing anyway.. Thanks for putting up with me. :)